New Barbie Dolls for the Greater Nashville & Middle Tennessee markets

Middle Tennessee Barbie: Big Sellers for Greater Nashville Area!!

After starring in the Mega Blockbuster Box Office smash, Toy Story 3, Barbie’s resurgance in popularity has spawned a whole new series of limited edition dolls! Mattel has now announced the release of the limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater Nashville market:

“Green Hills Barbie“

This princess Barbie is sold only at Green Hills Mall.  She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.

“Bellevue Barbie“

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation.  Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. 

“Antioch Barbie“

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop…then we don’t know what you are talking about.

“Franklin Barbie“

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.  Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.  You won’t be able to afford any of them.

“Manchester Barbie“

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud Lite and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.  Available at Big Lots.

“Goodletsville Barbie“

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Fairview Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip-gloss, and a see-through halter-top. Comes with Barbie’s dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.

“Downtown Nashville Condo Barbie“

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Condo Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

“Smyrna Barbie“

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

“Dickerson Road Barbie/Ken“

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

“Cool Springs Barbie”

Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way. With a Brentwood Academy sticker on the back that you notice as she cuts you off on her way to the mall.  We don’t know who Ken is because he’s always away hunting or in Japan on business. Cool Springs Barbie aspires to become Franklin Barbie. Not cheap, but very naive.

“Nolensville Barbie”This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a meat-packer’s uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not yet available for Nolensville Barbie or Ken.

“Belle Meade Barbie”

This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears tummy tuck print Spandex and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends. Into crystals and shops at Belle Meade Drugs. Comes with Percocet prescription and botox treatments.

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Posted by murfreesboronews on Aug 26 2010. Filed under Murfreesboro Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.